I can probably assume I am not alone when I share that one of the aspects of being human that has haunted me the most is MY COMPARING MIND.
I remember in the first few days after my daughter was born I sat, holding her, watching her in awe because she was not inprisioned by the vicious, mean, self destructive, self deprecating habit of comparison.
What is it about us human beings, especially women when it comes to our bodies, that insists that one thing or quality is better than another?
Here are a few of the items on my list I have battled with when it comes to comparing. (Yes there are more)...
- Body type
- Brain (how smart someone is)
- Living situation and location
- Boob size
- Hair style
- Facebook posts (those are the worst huh?)
- And a whole lot more...
As my daughter is getting older, she is now 5, I am watching the conditioning start to take shape. I observe it from a distance at times and wonder...wow, it's just this cultural thing that starts to seep in. Just 6 months ago she was not aware of this quality of comparing now she is starting to ask questions and make comments about which thing, person or action is BETTER.
Other times I do not observe I come in and make an intervention as quickly as I can.
"We don't compare." I say in a kind but firm voice.
"There is nothing that is better than another thing in life. Everything is just different.
A rose is a rose. A dandelion is a dandelion. Not better, not worse."
At her age she is not yet able, with her conscious mind, to become aware of the comparing habit therefore I am being the embodiment of awareness for her and then doing the intervention to help shift that mind state.
Each time I say those words to her I honestly think, "What would my world/life of been like if, when I was 5, someone took a stand for me and taught me how to see the world without comparison."
Think of the suffering I would have been saved from. I might not of been an over eater if I was freed from the mind games of comparing. I know a big part of overeating for me stemmed from the thought, "I'm not good enough." A real doozy of a thought when it comes to the comparing mind.
Given that the comparing mind is something that can starve you from knowing how to
FEED YOUR SOUL & NOURISH YOUR BODY I want to invite you to start to become aware of your comparing mind and actively work with it. Train your mind and commit to ending comparison. Here are some steps to follow:
- First step: Become aware that we all have a comparing mind and get to know yours: What tone does it speak to you in? What words does it use? Are there themes to the comparing? Does it show it self at different times a day? Various situations? With one person?
- Second step: Notice how this makes you feel emotionally, in your body? Do you react differently to your self and others when that part of you is present.
- Third step: Bring mindfulness to the place where you might be reacting out of your comparing mind instead of responding from the whole of who you are. You might need to slow down, take some deep breaths, take a walk. You want to create space, with awareness, and know when this "voice" is running the show.
- Fourth step: Find intervensions that stop this self talk right away. For example: Talk back to it or pause long enough for it to diminish. (That might mean a long meditation or it might take a few days of watching it). Another way to help with intervenstions is to get support and go deeper to understand where these thoughts stem from. Do the work with yourself in counsel to find the liberation you long for.
This kind of exercise is just a taste of the type of work I do with
private 1-1 clients and in my Feed Your Soul. Nourhish Your Body Women's Circle.
Before you leave I want to know what you discover about YOUR comparing mind.
Write your observations below and I will be sure to comment.
In health and service~